He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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