So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
