Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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