atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
