We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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