so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
