oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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