He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
