Can i not drive my cunt home
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
