Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize