mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
