dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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