i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
