I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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