remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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