Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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