grandma shit on top of the toilet
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
