I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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