Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
