i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize