thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
