He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
