I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
