What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
be right there i have to get my cape
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
