This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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