He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
