feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
