maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
