The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
