forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
