you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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