i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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