Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
