you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
