Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
