I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
