dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
