I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
