How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
