im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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