We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I will pee on everything he values.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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