My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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