I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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