my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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