i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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