Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
