I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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