Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
