Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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