I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
