so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
