drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
