Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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