If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
