Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize