i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
