I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize