his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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