The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have already put on my inside pants.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize