why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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