Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
