Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
