When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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