lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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