your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
