i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
