I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
