he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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