If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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