i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
