Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
