spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
