I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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