He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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