I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize