I could make wine with my vomit
well most of my day revolves around power hour
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
