you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
