I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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