Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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