There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
