apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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