Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How does it feel to date your dad?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize