if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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