the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
