you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
