i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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