I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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