An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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