Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
