Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
