I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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