Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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