I hate all girls vehemently.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
