Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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