You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
