I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
