He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
