I hate your face
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
