I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
