non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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